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Sergio's Piece

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30 Reflections.... [Nov. 15th, 2010|08:32 pm]
Sergio's Piece
[music |Brandon Flowers: Swallow It]

So-- I am 30 and I feel like I have spent the past ten years worried about some guy and I am over the incompleteness in other people that I used to impute to me.  I am over measuring my self worth based on someone else's feeling's towards me.  I think it is the lesson I've learned from the past decade and all the failed relationships.

  
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(no subject) [Sep. 23rd, 2010|10:19 pm]
Sergio's Piece
         So it's Folsom weekend in San Francisco, and the sexual energy is in the air.   Hot guys, from all over the world descending on San Francisco for a weekend of masculine energy.   This should be fun.
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(no subject) [Jun. 4th, 2010|09:29 am]
Sergio's Piece
        Summer break is about to start and I am going to have to find some hobby to keep myself busy.  I am not going to travel as much as I usually do this summer because I want to save money.    I survived this round of layoffs, which is good.  Now I have tenure with San Francisco Unified School District and could really work on putting my MA to use.

       I found that getting my layoff rescinded calmed my nerves about everything else in my life.  I feel like I have some stability.  The DJ I have strange relationship with is actually becoming one of my closest friends which is nice.  He also does a lot of lavish things for me.  He bought me front row tickets to Lady GaGa and contacted all my friends from Orlando/Chicago to plan a 30th birthday party for me.  I am going to be going somewhere, so I need to make sure that my passport is valid.  Although my birthday isn't until November, I am still worred about turning 30.

     This year is making me really refelctive about the decisions I've made, the friendships I've let into my life and the career path that I chose.  It's also making me question things and be critical.  Now that I am in the middle of the year I am worrying about being comofortable with everything.   

    Besides that, I also have a little belly.  One of my students came up to me and said "Mr.  C, how come you are muscular, but still have a belly."   and then I knew it was time for a mini diet.  Don't get me wrong, I'm in great shape, and no one would call me fat, but I do want to lose this pooge.   

    THe San Francisco weather has been driving me crazy.  Sunny one day, raining the next...... I wish it could be consistent!  
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Strike... Strike.... STRIIIIIIIKEEEEEE [May. 7th, 2010|10:31 am]
Sergio's Piece
The union negotiations with teacher jobs are going horrible.  They seemed to be going well, but then the district came back and sent notice that there needs to be millions more in cuts.    If the district does not rescind the layoff notices it is rumored that we will all go on strike so that the community could feel the impact before the end of the school year.  I've never been on strike before, but it seems as though it might be an interesting experience.  Regardless I might not have a job next year and if that happens I will have to figure out something else to do for a living.  What could an English major with a Master's in Education do for a living if it isn't working in the field of education?  

I was thinking of using my portuguese language fluency to get into a field of sales or customer service.  We'll see.
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Talking about Ex B/F's suck... [May. 5th, 2010|11:59 pm]
Sergio's Piece
      I am not a good cuddle buddy. I figured it out. I can't handle casual intimacy, but isn't all intimacy at the start casual?

I don't know dating confuses me and I am horrible at it. I wish it could just be a simple as like "I like you, you like me, let's be together." I guess it never is. Today I on Cinco de Mayo after Margarita with a friend, I was forced to recollect my entire dating catalogue. John... Jay.... Matt..... all failures. John I was with for five years... Jay 6 months..... Matt 9 months... and to be honest... at this point my emotions are caught between turning 30 and freaking about being some old troll at a Gay bar looking for love.......... and just not caring anymore. Apathy is scary.    
 

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Ouchie Magouchie!!! [Apr. 28th, 2010|01:18 pm]
Sergio's Piece
I had to have a non serious, but rather painful surgery yesterday. For a present they gave me hydrocodone and valium. I have been feeling rather loopy all day long. I stayed at my friend David's house and he took care of me. I have a huge crush on my friend David and I have never had a crush on a friend. I wonder if that is a healthy friendship. Usually I am friends with people I am not attracted to, this is a different case. I think we kind of dated. We hooked up and hangout a lot.... we are like cuddle buddies. It's strange. He does really nice things for me, like takes me out to nice dinners and stuff. I guess I should just take that relationship for what it is and appreciate that there is someone who wants to do nice things for me. It stinks though, I am stuck looking for love and therefore projecting those desires out to anyone who throws me some bait.
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Limbo [Apr. 21st, 2010|09:42 am]
Sergio's Piece
        Limbo is neither heaven or hell, but an in between, and the fact that it isn't heaven or hell makes me crazy.  I want it to be something, but it is nothing.  Just indifferent.  All my moods must be interjected.   My dating life has frozen.   I won't know if I my layoff is rescinded until May 15th.  I am bored with San Francisco.   The liberalism here is bordering on buffoonery.  Nothing is going on.     I've been keeping myself busy with frivolous activities.    

       I am yearning for something exciting, in a good way to happen.  I feel as though I am in a bit of a rut.  I want to be passive while the universe sends me something good.  I gave a cute boy, who I know is attracted to me, my number at the gym the other day.  I don't think he will call me though.   I've had words with him before, but he might not be able to handle all that I've told him.   Which is fine.

      I've been wanting to reorganize my home space.  Summer is coming up and I am about to have about two months off.  I want to be sure that my living space is comfortable.  I also have been wanting to work on my writing.  My creative writing.  The problem has been that after work and the gym I get way fried.   

       Ah, the gym.  It turns out that looks wise, I've become a bit of a cliche' gay muscle dude.  I'm short little tank, a bruiser.  I weighed myself in at 190 and got excited.   5'5 and 190 makes me into a beast.  I want to reach 200 pounds and be done at that.  Although reaching 200 pounds seems impossible, I'm going to try.
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(no subject) [Apr. 8th, 2010|08:03 pm]
Sergio's Piece
I had a great trip back in Orlando and now I am in SF again.   I am exhausted.  These days it seems like there is no such thing as enough sleep.  I just want to sleep and sleep.  I also have a weird thing going on.  I don't have a fuck buddy, I have a cuddle buddy.  Someone who just likes to hangout and cuddle and act like we are dating, but in the end all we do is cuddle.  

The whole thing is weird.  I'm not sure if I could even handle it in a healthy manner, but I'll try.
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I just want to disconnect.... [Apr. 3rd, 2010|02:25 am]
Sergio's Piece
[music |Kings of Leon: Cold Desert]

I am so tired of always being the one convincing pontential partners of  how great of a human being I am.  I've put way too much preassure on myself and I push those preassures on to other people. I thought I would be somewhere else right now, and I set up expectations for myself, but the only one that I've met is having a good job. I thought I would have a partner and maybe even a kid at this point  It's hard, because I juxtapose my brother with myself and he is closer to the path that I have always expected for myself.

Ah well.  San Francisco is starting to seem like a circus.  I feel like everyone that I've met here has no substance.  Like this town attracts a bunch of damaged people.  At one point, I was also damaged I guess, and this town attracted me.  I wanted the freedom, but "the love of a free man is never safe". I think I learned that from John, and people here are hella free.   I know that when I meet the right one, that person will know I am great.  They won't need any convincing.  
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(no subject) [Feb. 21st, 2010|08:54 pm]
Sergio's Piece
[music |Fantasia: "When I see you"]


I miss the guy I was dating.  I think we became good friends and I feel like he is acting distant and not making time for me.  I guess it has only been a week, but still going from hanging out everyday to not hanging out at all.... I guess it is natural that you miss someone.  Oh well, I guess I will have to get over it and not try to force a friendship.  I could only hope one develops.
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